god my neighbor just called me and she’s like… is this your chicken in our driveway… like who else has a chicken in this neighborhood yes it’s my chicken… so i get over there and kylo hen is chilling in their driveway eating some specs and stuff and there’s this actual crowd of people around her and i’m like… hi sorry mb let me get her… and oh my god… they’re like do you need us to call someone?? should we get help?? how should we do this?? do you need a net? like bitch it’s a chicken not a fucking komodo dragon. so i just… i was kind of joking around so i crouched down and patted my thighs and all the chickens are trained to come to me on sight because me = food… so i got down there and went “here girl!! come here!!” and the chicken comes running over and this group of actual adult ass individuals were staring at me like i was the fucking pied piper… and i didn’t know what to say…. so i just kind of walked back to my yard with the chicken following me and none of them moved or said a damn word and i think i literally just convinced them this chicken is trained like a dog…
An Australian game reviewer got sick and tired of young boys trolling her and threatening to rape her, so she did what any self-respecting adult would do — she told their parents. [via]
ALICE ROOSEVELT WAS HARDCORE. “She was known as a rule-breaker in an era when women were under great pressure to conform. The American public noticed many of her exploits. She smoked cigarettes in public, swore at officials, rode in cars with men, stayed out late partying, kept a pet snake named Emily Spinach (Emily as in her spinster aunt and Spinach for its green color) in the White House, and was seen placing bets with a bookie.
So what I’m reading here is, she was a Roosevelt?
Well I have a new hero.
Her whole wikipedia article is gold
“When her father was governor of New York, he and his wife proposed that Alice attend a conservative school for girls in New York City. Pulling out all the stops, Alice wrote, ‘If you send me I will humiliate you. I will do something that will shame you. I tell you I will.’”
“Her father took office in 1901 following the assassination of President William McKinley, Jr. in Buffalo (an event that she greeted with “sheer rapture.”)“
“During the cruise to Japan, Alice jumped into the ship’s pool fully clothed, and coaxed a congressman to join her in the water. (Years later Bobby Kennedy would chide her about the incident, saying it was outrageous for the time, to which the by-then-octogenarian Alice replied that it would only have been outrageous had she removed her clothes.”
“She was dressed in a blue wedding dress and dramatically cut the wedding cake with a sword (borrowed from a military aide attending the reception)”
“When it came time for the Roosevelt family to move out of the White House, Alice buried a Voodoo doll of the new First Lady, Nellie Taft, in the front yard.”
“Later, the Taft White House banned her from her former residence—the first but not the last administration to do so. During Woodrow Wilson’s administration (from which she was banned in 1916 for a bawdy joke at Wilson’s expense)…”
“As an example of her attitudes on race, in 1965 her African-American chauffeur and one of her best friends, Turner, was driving Alice to an appointment. During the trip, he pulled out in front of a taxi, and the driver got out and demanded to know of him, “What do you think you’re doing, you black bastard?” Turner took the insult calmly, but Alice did not and told the taxi driver, “He’s taking me to my destination, you white son of a bitch!”
“To Senator Joseph McCarthy, who had jokingly remarked at a party “Here’s my blind date. I am going to call you Alice”, she sarcastically said “Senator McCarthy, you are not going to call me Alice. The trashman and the policeman on my block call me Alice, but you may not.”
I love this woman.
WOMEN WHO NEED FUCKEN MOVIES.
This is Alice as an older lady. The pillow says “If you can’t say something good about someone, sit right here by me.”
fun fact about american history: george washington was apparently so sexy that when he was 17 he went swimming a river and some girl that had a crush on him stole his clothes and watched as he walked around naked looking for them
aaron burr, the guy who shot alexander hamilton and also the second vice president of the united states, tried to start an empire out in texas
marquis de lafayette literally had to sneak out of france to come aid america and while some versions of the story claim that he disguised himself as a commoner, other versions say he dressed up like a woman
literally all the founding fathers had daddy issues, specifically alexander hamilton who refused to even befriend george washington initially because he didn’t want to grow close to someone who had the potential to become a father like figure to him
thomas jeffereson kept a bust of alexander hamilton in his house at monticello for no reason other than the fact that hamilton was his sworn enemy and he felt as though he needed a very expensive bust of his sworn enemy in his house
I love all of this please keep going.
they didn’t let hamilton try this one course of study at king’s college because it was so intense that it made one student literally get sick and have to go home for months on end and that student was james madison
george washington made a rule banning snacks during cabinet meetings because thomas jefferson would always eat mac n cheese which wasn’t big in the us at the time and all the other founding fathers thought it was disgusting
aaron burr once set himself on fire because he attempted to light a candle by shooting it because he was too tired to get an actual match and his gun was nearby
if u ever find a genie and you’re really craving a dessert that looks like this:
do NOT say “i’d like a lifetime supply of raspberry crowns”
while this is, in fact, the name of the pastry, it’s ALSO the name of a species of wasp for some reason. the genie, being a nasty trickster, will no doubt give you a bunch of wasps.
so a racist got utterly demolished in less than 30 seconds on the New Zealand morning news on Monday and it’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen
who knew a white guy could be capable of such an iconic response, he knows what’s up and is having none of that shit, every other white guy take notes tbh
I love that he said Pakeha
Can someone write what its being said in this?
Male co-host: We have had a whole heap of feedback regarding
Te Tai Tokerau MP Kelvin Davis’s proposal to institute a prison run on Māori
values into New Zealand. He’s looking at potentially establishing this prison
up north. It isn’t Labour policy just yet, it’s just an idea of Kelvin Davis’s.
And this has been really really divisive on our Facebook page this morning. (sarcastically)
Here I think we have the single greatest email, the single greatest message we
have ever had on breakfast.
(clears throat deliberately) “’Janice’ says: Good morning. I’m
sick of hearing that Māori need different treatment. If they don’t want to live
in our society, then maybe we should put them all on an island and leave them
to it.”
Male co-host: “Janice. That is LITERALLY what happened! That
is the history of our country. Last I checked, Māori WERE on an island, they
were left to it, and then Pākehā (Māori term for white New Zealanders) turned
up and look how that worked out. But thank you very much for that brilliant
insight. Goodness me. Unbelievable. Unbelievable, they actually-“
Female co-host: “Actually, you can’t even get angry, you
just actually need to laugh and then screw it up and put it under the desk.
Just when you thought-“
Male co-host: (mimicking letter) “’Put them all on an
island, leave them to it.’ Yeah. What a great idea that is Janice.
I really need “What a great idea that is, Janice.” to be a meme filled with those stupid complete cognitive dissonance bigoted statements.
When people go off about how English is the worst language, I just wanna point out a few things:
- Our future tense requires only one word (looking at you, Spanish)
- Words don’t change meanings depending on tone (Cantonese)
- We don’t live in some bizarre Beauty And The Beast world where we give inanimate objects genders (romance languages, German)
- Likewise, we don’t have have two different words for “they” because we don’t care whether “they” were male or female (Spanish, French)
- There’s no formal “you” because we don’t play mind games about whether or not we respect you (Spanish, German)
- We don’t alter the whole fucking language based on how much we respect you (Japanese)
- The letters and sounds might not be consistent, but at least we have letters, not just pictures (Mandarin)
- We don’t have a fucking stupid tense specifically for talking to two people because some idiot decided that a two-person tense was necessary(Arabic)
So yeah, I think we’re doing okay as a language
Oh and some of our plurals are irregular, but at least it’s not like every goddamn plural is an entirely new word so you have to learn every word twice
At least it’s not like that, right? Right, Arabic? WHAT A DUMB IDEA THAT WOULD BE, HUH, ARABIC?
But we do kinda have the tone thing. Like record and record, resume and resume, etc
For a few words, but you can mispronounce a lot and still get away with it. I’m referring to this:
